The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
