so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
