I think im going to throw up on grandma
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
