Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
