Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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