Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize