so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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