New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
