Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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