When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
