maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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