i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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