his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
