Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize