Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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