A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
