I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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