Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
