i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
