i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
