I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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