I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
