Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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