You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
