I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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