Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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