What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
