I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
