I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
