My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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