Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
