I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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