i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want her autograph on my taint
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
