I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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