You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
