At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
