he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
