my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
