Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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