I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
