the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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