he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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