I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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