How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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