Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
