things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
