Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
