If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
