I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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