don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
