This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
