She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
