i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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