New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
nutella sex= disaster
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
