eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
jump out the window naked night went bad
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