Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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