This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
