i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
