One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize