new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
