I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
