So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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