she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
