Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
