I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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