This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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