I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize