I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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