I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
