Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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