dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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