Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My penis needs a shock collar
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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