I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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